The great balancing act.

I have always admired those of my friends that are able to balance a full time work schedule with being a parent. I have been fortunate to only work part time since I had Jack. I have been even more fortunate to have had my mom-Kay Kay-as my source of child care. She also would work as gardener, housekeeper, laundry lady, nurse and adventure planner for my kiddies. Boy do we miss her and all the family we had to help us out when we needed them. As I have transitioned back into working and now working while using a child care facility, we have been faced with new challenges. 

Anxiety and Adjustment
Jack is a lot like me. He hates the unknown. He gets nervous about meeting new people. He gets nervous about not knowing what to expect. He LOVES a routine. At this point we have been going to daycare for almost 8 weeks. Six of those eight were for 4 of 5 week days. The routine is the same. The teachers are the same. The building is the same. I thought by now we would have it down pat, but we don't. He hates me leaving him in the morning-even with his most favorite teacher, Miss Cassie. There are always tears. I know part of it is a little show, a little manipulation, a little "seeing how far I can get this to go." I know that he stops crying shortly after I leave and he has a GREAT day! He is smiling and happy when Tom picks him up each day. He has even cried because he didn't want to leave at the end of the day. We show him the calendar each Sunday and talk about what days he will go to daycare and what days he will be home with me. We reiterate this every night and every morning. I have tried asking him what it IS about daycare that makes him so sad in the morning. For as articulate as he can be he can not come up with an adequate response; "I just don't want to go." is what I hear most frequently. I hate that I am the bad guy every morning and Tom gets to be the hero. I mean, I am happy for Tom to be the hero, but sad for me to be the bad guy. Will cries too at the drop off, but reaches his little chubby arms out to the teachers and goes willingly to their arms. Sometimes I think that because he sees Jack cry, he thinks he is supposed to cry too. He too is happy and tired when he gets picked up. All in all I do think they are adjusting well and I hope that my new schedule of only 2 or 3 work days a week will lend itself to overall happy kids. That is all I really want. Happy Kids. 

Germs
I know that they are out there. I work with them everyday. I just hate when they take over our little family. Germs and being sick now come with an added disadvantage, no extra help. In the past, if Jack or Will was sick, had a fever, was extra cranky, something minor, I could still go to work and leave instructions with my mom. Now, if we meet these new challenges, they have to stay home, which means Tom or I have to stay home too. Since starting at daycare Will has been giving his little immune system a work out. Most of which is just bad timing. He had an ear infection 2 weeks ago that left him screaming all night. I took a day out of work to recover from no sleep as well as take him to the doctor's. Just this past week we were faced with the same dilemma. Up all night screaming and also running a temperature. Again I called out of work. Again we are faced with a new ear infection and are working our way up the antibiotic chain. The next morning he was not feverish, but probably not feeling much like himself. I gave him some Tylenol and sent him on to daycare so I could complete my work commitment for the week. I felt terrible. I knew that the teachers would call us if he had a new fever, and he didn't all day. I knew that he would do OK. I just felt bad. I wished he could be home where he could have his blankie all day to snuggle and we could watch movies or play cars or read books and I could just make him feel better. This morning I sent Jack with a cough. Nothing that sounded serious, more of an annoying tickle. I armed him with the tools to use his elbow to cover his mouth when he coughed and to wash his hands. He didn't have a fever, so he went. There were lots of tears this morning. Partly because it is the Tuesday after a long weekend and partly because that is just what they do when we get there and partly because i don't think they feel like themselves 100%. Thankfully I have a manager who is both super understanding and a mother herself. I called her to touch base with her after my second call out in 2 weeks. I wanted her to know that I would only call in sick if there was truly a reason to, not just to get a day off. She reassured me that the patients would be there when my kids were better. THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU. 

Balance
The biggest challenge for me has been being able to find that balance between juggling all the housework with working with finding time to do stuff for myself and being a great mom. Certainly there are days where I don't feel like I can do it all. Days where I get frustrated easily with a cute little three year old's constant requests for attention. Days where I don't feel like I am good at my job. Days where I know I could have been a better mom. I have to remind myself sometimes that being a great mom is something that is individual to OUR family. There is so much that influences us as parents; social media, friends with kids, friends without kids, coworkers, parents, etc. I firmly believe that you have to do what is right for you and your family. Every situation is different and individual. I try not to compare my family and my children to others except to try and gain a new perspective on a situation and maybe try a new approach. I love to bounce ideas off other parents/friends and hope to come up with something that will work for us. I know I can only do so much in one day. I am slowly learning to do a little each day so I don't have to spend a whole Saturday overwhelmed with cleaning, chores and errands. I am also learning that my house doesn't have to look perfect or even remotely close to perfect. The time is better spent playing cars or travelling to outer space in a chalk drawn spaceship or building a fort out of blankets. The dishwasher and laundry can wait. These days, like so many other things, will go by too fast. My latest struggle has come with getting back into my gym routine. Will cries so hard when I bring him into the nursery at the Y. I hate that I make him feel that way. I miss my workouts. So many days I have debated in my head whether it was worth it to go through the drop off cry at the Y. I have decided it is. He is FINE. I need the time to workout and he (and Jack) eventually play and have fun. It is only for an hour. I am going to break these kids of this separation thing one way or another. 


And so here I am, slightly new to this balancing act, but starting to get the hang of it. I know that there will be more challenges ahead of us. I know we will find a way to work through them. 

Next time there will be more pictures.